FEAR AND PHONE SERVICE

Prompted by this very clever montage of horror films in which each clip features someone bemoaning a mysterious lack of cell-phone service at a crucial moment (hat tip: Very Short List), I began to ponder how many classic plots would be compromised by the ubiquity of mobile telephony in modern life.

The one that stuck out in my mind is the classic French heist film “Rififi” (best known for a half-hour heist scene in a jewellery store, shot in near silence). The film's climax involves Tony, the hero, rescuing the kidnapped son of his friend Jo. Returning victorious, with the kid in tow, Tony learns too late that the boy’s father has just gone to pay the ransom, only to be killed by the double-crossing kidnapper. Tony is then mortally wounded taking his revenge for the murder.

These days the plot would go something like this:

“Jo? Yeah, it’s Tony. I rescued Tonio. Nah, don’t worry about it. That’s what friends are for. I took out Grutter’s two brothers, too, so make sure you stay far away from that guy. He’s probably pretty mad. Anyway, looks like I saved you a bundle in ransom cash, so dinner’s on you?”

Or, imagine how differently the climactic scene in “Rear Window” would have played out, had Jimmy Stewart’s character been able to warn Grace Kelly that the murderer was returning to his apartment via text-message, instead of a series of flashbulb signals from across the courtyard.

This situation is hardly limited to classic thrillers.
Consider:

“Hello? Romeo? It’s the friar. Juliet’s not dead at all. No, calm down—you're gonna love this: I gave her a sleeping potion so the two of you lovebirds could be together in peace. So don’t do anything stupid, and you’ll be all set. Great! See you soon.”

And:

“Yes, so sorry to trouble you—this is Jonathan Harker. Listen, I don't think this Count fellow is completely on the up and up. Well, his teeth are a bit sharp, for example. Yes, yes, I know it sounds silly, but could you please send someone to pick me up as soon as possible?

And if we consider other mobile features, such as GPS, we can say goodbye to John Wayne’s “The Searchers”:

“You want me to find Debbie Edwards? Well, according to this, she’s in the middle of Colorado, heading north at about five miles per hour. Should have her back in a week or so.”

And, for that matter, much of the story of the Exodus: