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FIVE THINGS: THE TAO OF JOHN WATERS

John Waters's new book "Role Models" is a collection of conversational essays about the people who have inspired his cult filmmaking. The book includes a hellish Little Richard interview, a tribute to Johnny Mathis, his  life-long idol, a section on a fabled mistress of Baltimore bars, and a boatload of perverts.

"Role Models" ia a roundabout autobiography in the best sense: a portrait of Waters through the lens of the people he loves best and the ways in which he thinks about them. It's a gleeful, wisecracking read with a heart of gold (or pyrite, perhaps), much like Waters's films and presumably the man himself. Here we've culled five nuggets of wisdom from within the pages of "Role Models", each addressing a crucial topic.

On wealth:

"Being rich is not about how much money you have or how many homes you own; it's the freedom to buy any book you want without looking at the price and wondering if you can afford it. Of course, you have to read the books, too. Nothing is more impotent than an unread library."

On reading:

"You should never read just for "enjoyment." Read to make yourself smarter! Less judgmental. More apt to understand your friends' insane behavior, or better yet, your own. Pick 'hard books.' Ones you have to concentrate on while reading. And for God's sake, don't let me ever hear you say, 'I can't read fiction. I only have time for the truth.' Fiction is the truth, fool!"

On fashion:

"Always be dressed in your full cult finest in case you are arrested. There is only one fashion photograph that counts in our world: the perp walk."

On religion:

"Jesus Christ himself? I do believe he thought he was the son of God, but anybody can make an innocent mistake. He probably was a good man. A fashion leader, certainly. A little self-absorbed. A tad deluded, just like us. But as an elegant acquaintance recently pointed out, 'My husband died of cancer and it took him about five years of terrible pain and agony to finally expire, and Christ was only on the cross for a weekend. What's the big deal?' She may have a point."

On privacy:

"The ultimate celebrity accomplishment is convincing the press and public that they know everything about your personal life without really revealing anything."

"Role Models" by John Waters is published by Farrar, Straus and Giroux in America

~ MOLLY YOUNG