A SOBERING EXERCISE
"The threshold of addiction is a foggy place," writes Nina Caplan. An enthusiastic drinker, she decides to give up alcohol for a month ...
Special to MORE INTELLIGENT LIFE
I am not an alcoholic. I don’t get sick, fall down or start my day with tots of whiskey. But I do love wine. I am entranced by the socio-historical and chemical properties of the vine. It is, for me, an intellectual pursuit–albeit one that is also literally intoxicating.
The threshold of addiction is a foggy place. You more or less know when you’re dependent, and you know when you're independent.
But most of us stumble around somewhere in between: we’ll just have one more; we don’t need it, we just like it; we could stop anytime. My social life runs on alcohol like a bicycle on its tyres: it could keep moving without it, but the ride would be bumpy and uncomfortable and I would worry about looking foolish.
So I decided to give up drinking for a month. How hard could it be? Not that I thought it would be easy: not only do I enjoy drinking, but also I am good at it. I merrily buy fine wine and hold it well. Yet given my lack of discipline, going completely without seemed easier than moderation. I believe La Rochefoucauld had it right when he said, "Moderation is the feebleness and sloth of the soul, whereas ambition is the warmth and activity of it."
Supportive friend: "Seriously? For a whole month? Wow. You should write about it. People love to read about the misery of others."
Less supportive friend: "In January? Are you mad? What other joys are there at this time of year?"
Even less supportive friend: "I’m just off out for a lovely evening of dinner, chat and lots of red wine. Oh, and martinis. Envious?"
So I did it. It’s not difficult. Just dull. I felt unsociable. I missed the glow of self-satisfaction that alcohol brings, and the clear division it offers between work and recreation. I would cook dinner for a friend, watch her down half a bottle of wine and feel guilty for not joining her. (It was like when I gave up smoking years ago: I hated being unable to provide the comfort of cigarettes to others.) I missed feeling like part of a tradition of literary self-destruction.
When fellow journalists toasted a departing colleague with bad cava, I sipped water and felt gloomy. I attended a drinks awards ceremony (masochistically, surely) and realised I couldn’t be bothered to talk to anybody. How does one negotiate the cracks in social discourse without alcohol? All of those conversations you would rather not have, all those people you want to talk to but don't know where to start. How do you extricate yourself from an undesirable tete-a-tete when your exit line is "I really must get some more Pelligrino"? I hadn’t realised just how much fun I thought I was having simply because I had a glass in my hand.
Horrified friend: "Never give up booze. Ever."
I didn’t miss drunkenness, which I rarely indulge in anyway. Nor did I miss the bad free wine at book parties and theatre openings, as guzzling the unworthy stuff leads to a hangover and little else. I did not pine for pub culture, which mostly involves drinking terrible wine so that the men you’re with can down lager and stare at a television behind your head.
But I did miss selecting just the right wine to accompany a dish at a dinner party (food-and-wine pairing is my favourite party game), and the glass I would sip as I cooked. I missed the bubbles that would dance the Charleston over my tongue in the first sip of champagne at the start of a smart evening, and the rich, spiced raisin of an armagnac at the end of a decadent meal.
Though it turns out that what I missed the most did not involve alcohol consumption at all. For me the biggest boozy pleasure is slavering over a good wine list. It seems I’m less a hedonist than a fantasist. Anticipation is silkier on the tongue than the finest vintage.
The month felt long. I don’t mean time dragged--in fact, the long, free evenings I’d envisioned never materialised. I still went out all the time, and did precious little exercise (despite all those nights of quality REM sleep). But there were no elisions, no blurring of events between the first shared bottle and the second. For a month everything I did was clearly delineated.
So what else did I learn after a month of stone-cold sobriety? That it's over-rated. There is a reason why people drink proportionally more the less they like themselves: alcohol takes you, as so much slang for drunkenness has it, out of your head. I’m no self-loathing Hemingway or Parker, but a month is a long time in your own uninterrupted company
. Nobody wants to spend that much time with me--not even me. This is despite the fact that I found abstinence to be good for my self-esteem, not the other way round. People keep asking me if I feel healthier. I don't, particularly. But I do feel smug.
I discovered that I use alcohol the way Susie Orbach claims women use fat: as a locus for blame, a red herring. Off the sauce, I was still tired, lazy and prone to overeating carbohydrates and chocolate. I still spent too much money, talked too much and went out too much. In fact, none of my problems can be blamed on drinking alcohol, except the one that involves drinking a little too much.
With my month over, I’m faced with the real challenge: moderation. Bacchus help me, for my own inclinations certainly won’t.
Picture credit: Seattleye , tomsaint11 (both via Flickr)
(Nina Caplan is the Arts Editor of Time Out London)
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Sobriety
April 7, 2009 - 16:19 — Peter Dreyer (not verified)Your relationship with wine sounds very much like my own, Nina. I've downed oceans of it in my time, but I once quit drinking for an entire year, stopping one New Year's Eve and starting again exactly twelve months later. Just to show myself I could. To make things more difficult, I gave up coffee the same year (which was in retrospect rather harder than giving up wine). Now from time to time, I quit drinking wine for a week or so, or perhaps a month. Then I realize that abstinence is not doing me any good at all and relapse with renewed pleasure into the enjoyment of my daily two or three glasses.
Sobriety is indeed overrated--but only for some of us. So let's not bruit the fact abroad too much, or at least not without a fairly drastic warning label. Alcoholism is a terrible thing. As a child, I watched drink destroy my father, and I'm in no doubt that I could easily have gone the same way.
January Man
April 9, 2009 - 16:39 — Robin Dudley (not verified)I've taken January off for three years running now. When I mentioned it to an English friend of mine this last time, he said: "oh, you're a "January Man". Apparently it's not all that uncommon. I live in Germany, and couldn't imagine taking July off - the pleasure I get from a cold Hefeweizen on a warm summer day is too great.
I agree whole-heartedly with your thoughts and have shared many of your aforementioned experiences, but as much as I've reached the conclusion that I simply enjoy my life better with a bit of good beer (and on occasion wine), I also share that nagging feeling that a nasty habit sits waiting in the shadows behind the door... and so I will remain, a January Man.
Obviously, a Brit... .
April 12, 2009 - 14:59 — Renata M. (not verified)Obviously, a Brit... .
Maybe it's just me...
April 12, 2009 - 15:50 — Chris Swanson (not verified)Perhaps cause I never started drinking, I haven't come to miss the various things you describe. By nature I'm not terribly social, and I enjoy being in command of my own mind, thoughts and drives as much as possible, so there's no alure to alcohol for me (plus I haven't had much that's actually tasted any good). I've had alcohol maybe ten times in my life (and didn't start until I was 25), and haven't been drunk, so I can't really make any compairsons, but I find sobriety quite enjoyable.
Scoff.
April 12, 2009 - 19:51 — Arundel (not verified)Sorry, but every other sentence dripped of snobbishness. What a tiresome read, the author sneering at men enjoying their lagers in the pub.
"I am entranced by the socio-historical and chemical properties of the vine. It is, for me, an intellectual pursuit."
Oh, fine. Your enjoyment of alcohol is superior and cultured, then.
Someone describing how dreary a month without drinking is has no place proclaiming superiority over what other people drink, in a pub or not.
I appreciate the author's honesty- yes, you do sound like a drag. Why do you think a few drinks makes you fascinating?
Sobriety
April 12, 2009 - 19:53 — Visitor (not verified)The article on sobriety appeared as the epitome of self-serving nonsense. Anyone who worries about alcohol consumption (however cleverly worded) is an alcoholic, by definition.
People are born into this life without alcohol-it is our natural state! And life lived well does not require the use of or the concern about alcohol. It just doesn't!
Life lived with insecurities that become bothersome can be ameliorated by alcohol, but when that becomes a habit it indicates alcoholism.
It's no big deal to be an alcoholic. You just learn to live life without a damaging companion. I highly recommend AA. I have been a happy member for 28 years.
Moderation
April 12, 2009 - 20:15 — Señor (not verified)All things in moderation.
Including the moderation.
Short booze break
April 12, 2009 - 20:26 — Sunil (not verified)I did the same experiment in 2008. I stopped after our night out on New Years eve (so technically I drank on the 1st). Like you I'm a social drinker and I quit for the months of January and February -- just to say I'd tried it.
I didn't miss drinking for the first couple of weeks, but after that I occasionally found myself daydreaming of a glass of foamy cold beer. All-in-all I have nothing earth shattering to report. I think I'm no different for having had the experience. One thing is certain, having the freedom to perceptibly alter reality for a few minutes a day with a drink helped me deal with 2008 election cycle.
I'm happy I have the freedom (as some people do not) to choose what, when, and where to drink.
Hi Nina, I linked here from
April 12, 2009 - 21:10 — Visitor (not verified)Hi Nina, I linked here from Andrew Sullivan's site. Thanks for an informative & interesting article. Ignore the bitter Scoff/Sobriety (same person, obviously) above.
What Renata said
April 13, 2009 - 01:21 — Cali (not verified)I have to agree with the above poster. Washing away one's self-loathing with alcohol? Using a slight buzz to keep away the realization of how tedious and trite one's own thoughts and the conversation of one's peers are? Hoping that the perversity of taking a modicum of glee in it redeems it in any way?
Must be English.
My Own Little Experiment
April 13, 2009 - 09:11 — Fishwatch (not verified)Great piece! I am coming to the end of a three month hiatus, and totally agree about the overrated-ness of temporary self-induced sobriety, except for the fact that I now wake up early on weekends and can actually read what is in the paper as opposed to just look at it with a confused expression and massive headache. On the other hand, dating is kind of hard when sober.
My problems with moderation were not my own inclination to really want more, but rather my inclination to give in when someone would say "oh, just have another," or "let's do shots." This, I need to work on.
Loved the honesty of your
April 14, 2009 - 08:16 — Turtle in Boston (not verified)Loved the honesty of your piece. I wonder if it possible to be hungover the day after if you weren't drunk the night before. I am about to give up all alcohol for 8 weeks as part of a weight loss thingy yokey. Today is my first day.
Just got done doing the same thing
April 14, 2009 - 12:01 — GMYH (not verified)I gave up drinking for Lent, which thankfully just ended. I ran into many of the same problems. It was hard going to bars and drinking water, while my friends drank all around me. I found it to be easier as Lent wore on. The first weekend was tough, but as everyone (including me) got used to the fact that I was not going to be drinking, it just became an accepted fact and I was at least able to go to bars without cursing myself and everyone around me. The positives were that I lost 8 pounds in 40 days (although I also started working out) and slept like baby. The negatives were that I didn't get to drink for 40 days. My mom was wrong: I do need alcohol to have fun.
Interesting . . .
April 14, 2009 - 23:36 — Marc (not verified)I'm glad I made it past the protestations of the first paragraph ("I am entranced by the socio-historical and chemical properties of the vine. It is, for me, an intellectual pursuit" Right . . . an intellectual pursuit), for I really enjoyed this piece. As your supportive friend said, people do love to read about the misery of others.
I myself went through a glorious two month hiatus from booze . . . a year and a half ago. The pounds melted away, the sleep was beyond belief, and the sense of satisfaction was boundless. Yet, I went back - and stayed.
As we say in the States, thanks for sharing.
uh........
April 18, 2009 - 17:39 — Visitor (not verified)mankind is enslaved of addictions, just as addictions are enslaved of man. a circle unbroken,except by death
I have tried to stay away
June 23, 2009 - 15:42 — defiant children (not verified)I have tried to stay away from the booze for a month or two and it is very hard like the author of the article said. I have seen alcohol ruin people when they cannot control it. I think that taking a month off here and there is a great way to show yourself that you are not dependent on it.
I have tried to stay away
June 23, 2009 - 15:45 — Fishman (not verified)I have tried to stay away from the booze for a month or two and it is very hard like the author of the article said. I have seen alcohol ruin people when they cannot control it. I think that taking a month off here and there is a great way to show yourself that you are not dependent on it.
I have tried to stay away
June 23, 2009 - 15:46 — Visitor (not verified)I have tried to stay away from the booze for a month or two and it is very hard like the author of the article said. I have seen alcohol ruin people when they cannot control it. I think that taking a month off here and there is a great way to show yourself that you are not dependent on it.
I have tried to stay away
June 23, 2009 - 15:46 — Visitor (not verified)I have tried to stay away from the booze for a month or two and it is very hard like the author of the article said. I have seen alcohol ruin people when they cannot control it. I think that taking a month off here and there is a great way to show yourself that you are not dependent on it.
It's never late to start
August 31, 2009 - 14:48 — Susan Anders (not verified)Personally I got rid of the habit of eating meat and drinking alcohol several years ago. On one hand it was an extremely useful experiment however on the other hand it caused some not very pleasant moments. I'll explane. The majority of people around me are not vegetarians at all and drink wine and beer. So when I was a guest at the party both I myself and my relatives were confused.It was very difficult for them to get used to the dishes and products that I ate. But as the time passed they simply got used to my way of life.So I think that it's a matter of personal choice how to live your life. And it's never late to start an experiment that can lead to healthier way of life.
I completely agree... the
November 10, 2009 - 05:05 — TS2912 (not verified)I completely agree... the author sounds extremely pretentious and shallow (there are many other pleasures in life)
Alcohol
December 28, 2009 - 06:37 — Visitor (not verified)I read with interest the giving up of alcohol as I want to try it...NOW!!! But I always despair at the badly spelled comments by other fools.. good for you Original
writer and I hope you have still succeeded!!!
Day 9
January 9, 2010 - 15:22 — Alexis (not verified)There was me thinking I was a tad original.
"I shall" I wrote as one of my ten (2010) goals "Give up alcohol for 3 months"
Then I decided that would be split into three, one month sessions (let's not go overboard now)
And now it's all apparently pointless.I won't really feel better apparently , when there was I, really hoping for the buzz that a happy functioning liver would bring.
I don't need to lose weight.
I've always slept like a baby with or without booze.
And oh! the longing when I see people drinking red wine on television from really beautiful glasses (even though I know it's probably Ribena from the props dept.
But I think there is just a chink of whiteness showing in my less than pristine eye whites (Why do they go cloudy after 45?)
So I'm going to continue...and I will get back to you.
Brilliant article
January 13, 2010 - 16:08 — Jamie (not verified)I'm in the middle of an attempt at an alcohol free month. 19 days gone without a drink and I don't feel any health benefits whatsoever. I don't want to leap out of bed in the morning and I haven't spent any more time in the gym.
However, I have ate less crisps and I do feel rather smug. Looking forward to a nice glass of Argentinian red in 12 days time :-)
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