A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO MEN'S JEANS

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE PRE-DISTRESSED | October 29th 2008

A pair of jeans can define a man, even more than his watch or mobile. But it’s all too easy to get denim wrong. Our fashion editor Mary Fellowes gives her dos and don’ts ...

From INTELLIGENT LIFE magazine, Autumn 2008

Why aren't men's jeans straightforward? They should be. They're practical, hard-wearing, comfortable--and yet they're a minefield of style accidents waiting to happen. Too short, too wide, too tight in one place, too baggy in another... look down any street and you'll see otherwise innocent men committing serious crimes against denim. A friend once went on a date with a man who turned up in baggy jeans so violently tapered that they shortened him by six inches, and with the waist hoisted so high that from behind he looked like an overweight mother at school sports day. Call her fickle, but she walked out.

From where women are standing, jeans define a man more than his watch, car, mobile or any other expensive gadget the male psyche uses to express its virility. Almost everyone wears them, and yet stitched into their warp and weft are a host of hidden indicators, exact barometers--to a beady female eye--of his taste and self-image.

Some men wear jeans with an almost indecent ease. From the Ramones via the blokes in Blondie to any of Kate Moss's more recent boyfriends, punk and post-punk musicians have been adept at combining anti-bourgeois attitude, unkempt hair and skinny-fit denims. James Dean always gave good jean: dark, uncomplicated, flattering without being narcissistic, and set off by his crisp white t-shirt. And older Italians and Frenchmen choose jeans with clean lines and a slightly tight fit, worn with grown-up leather shoes and continentally well-cut jackets. But English men seldom manage this casual distinction, choosing looser jeans in an attempt to be laid-back, then counter-attacking their own strategy by adding a badly fitting jacket, or a shirt that's either too preppy, too tight or--most unfortunate of all--short-sleeved.

It doesn't have to be this way. Some tailors will make jeans to measure. (Why shouldn't a man take the cut of his denim as seriously as his suit? He'd make a lot of women happier if he did.) And if, as is likely, you carry on buying off the peg, the sheer number of brands might seem bewildering--but it does mean that somewhere there's a style that will suit you. A few of the best are listed below, along with the following golden rules to help make buying easier.

1. Swallow your pride Or at least your impatience, and do the thing that probably drives you mad when your wife or girlfriend does it: spend some time in a department store, trying lots of different styles. You wouldn't buy a television without watching it first.

2. Find your length Long, loose jeans that scuff the pavement will inevitably lose their structure at the hem, looking messy and studenty. Waistbands should sit no higher than just above the hip bones, and the lower edge of your back pockets should finish below the top of the thigh, as the sight of the male buttock, fully outlined, is perhaps not your strongest asset.

3. Find your width Sharply tapered, drainpipe legs aren't a good idea unless you are either whippet-thin or under 30. But that doesn't mean loose fit is necessarily the answer. Rappers from South Central Los Angeles look good in really baggy jeans; office managers from Reading do not.

4. Don't try to hide Jeans are not meant to be full in front--in fact, the flatter-
fronted the better. So if you have a paunch, take your cue from Jack Nicholson or David Bailey and keep your jeans low-slung beneath it. In female eyes, belting jeans halfway up a paunch is as grave a sin as the comb-over.

5. Don't overdo distressing Draw a mental graph where the x-axis is your age, and the y-axis the amount of sandblasting, ripping, bleaching and so on that has been done to your prospective pair of jeans. The further along the x-axis you fall, the lower down the y-axis your purchase should be. Similarly, the further along the x-axis you go, the straighter the silhouette.

6. Go for true colours Look at Keith Richards: the older he's got, the darker his jeans. Having said that, solid-dyed indigo is perhaps best left to the under-30s; and whether you prefer black jeans or blue, a subtle white fleck will stop the colour looking too prissy.

7. Get into detail Jeans styling is a rich hunting ground of nerdy detail. Selvage denim--cloth woven on a particular kind of narrow shuttle loom--occupies a whole separate sub-category of stylishness. Plant-based indigo allows jeans to become faded--naturally, with wear--rather than having fadedness thrust upon them. Then there's the weight of the cloth, the pattern and colour of the stitching, the limited-edition waistband tags. Buying a pair of jeans is, potentially, as much fun as buying a car, though without the voice of Jeremy Clarkson ringing in your ears. Clarkson, incidentally, likes to combine leather blouson jackets with stone-washed denim in a late-1980s cut: the perfect example of how not to wear jeans.

JEAN GENIUS

Seven brands that are safe pairs of hands:

Best on the high street: Uniqlo
Despite their modest price, Uniqlo's Selvedge-label jeans are made using some of the highest-quality denim on the market. The range of sizes and cuts means this is the place to go if you struggle to find the right fit.
£24.99-39.99 (€31-50)

Best for rebels: Ksubi
A cult brand from two ruffian Australian surfers and DJs, with a very relaxed cut, and tiny, blink-and-you'll-miss them stars embroidered on the pockets. Most are distressed, but in a way that looks like you've owned them for 30 years.
£145-300 (€182-376)

Best for the worn-in look: Edwin
This Japanese-owned, Swiss-based brand has been a pioneer of different washes and types of denim since the mid-1970s--where Edwin distresses, others follow. Its new Japan Vintage collection features convincing versions of jeans-as-much-loved-workwear.
From £80 (€100)

Best for smartening up: Dior Homme
Hedi Slimane's famous drainpipes used to be pencil-sharp, but since he left Dior the cut has become a little fuller. The silhouette is still sleek, though, with the button fly replaced by a hidden clasp. They can be worn beltless, which makes them a good formal option.
£143-366 (€180-460)

Best for straight leg: Earnest Sewn
Its hand-made "Fulton" (the waistband tags are stamped with the signature of the person who made them) provides the perfect amount of straightness--neither too narrow, nor too wide. Already a classic, and they look particularly good with a shirt or blazer.
Around £180 (€225)

Best for simplicity: APC
An exceptionally cool label, often described as the French 501, though they are in fact made in Sweden. Utterly unadorned, raw jeans made using super-tough, 13oz denim, in a slimmish cut that's barely changed in 20 years.
£99-105 (€124-131)

Best for comfort: Stronghold
All its jeans are hand-made on site at Stronghold's shop in Los Angeles, where the looms are on display. Have a perfect lived-in feel without compromising the quality of the denim: thick and strong but still supple.
$285-1,100 (€181-700); 1,625 Abbot Kinney Bld, Venice, CA 90291; +1 (310) 399 7221

For stockists, see the firms' websites; American brands may seem cheaper to buy direct than from retailers in Europe, but bear in mind that you'll have to pay shipping and import tax.

Picture credit: Diego Dalmaso (via Flickr, top); *Zara (via Flickr, above right)